You Can't Fix Stupid...

...unless you mean by "fixing" you intend to get even stupider:

There are two staple topics of morning hate radio, Gays and Foreigners, and the boys at WXTK are trained harp on them especially whenever recent news events reflect badly on Republicans. This is a tried and true way to get the mouth breathing true-believers lathered up and calling in to complain about immeasurable abstract concepts of “moral fiber” and “cultural decline”. Our country is going to hell in a hand basket, they claim, and the Democrats are to blame because they cater to these immoral and un-American minorities. What evil geniuses these Democrats must be! Somehow they get elected by lots of people (a majority, presumably…at least I think that’s how elections work) and then they immediately punish their constituency by giving “special rights” to a tiny sliver of the populace and shower the least deserving of them with money to boot! “Suckers!” as former Ed Lambert sidekick Don McKeag would screech, along with his other favorite tag line “You can’t fix Stupid!”

Well, maybe you can't, but maybe you can improve on Stupid by getting even Stupider with returning sidekick Gino Montesi.

After a completely vacuous rant about how a federal court botched a constitutional ruling (Gino was an astronomy major in college, so he oughta know), things were getting a little to slow...nobody was calling, so it was time for the boys to complain yet again about non-english speaking people. The senile shut-in biddy who calls herself “Lady C” calls in for the 9th time in 5 months to tell the story of how her mom was from Sweden but she grew up learning English, not Swedish…Ed acts as if he’s hearing her story for the first time. What a saint.

Gino complains that he doesn’t want to use the phone to call someplace that uses a recorded menu system and have even more options on languages…I kid you not…Gino says “…I don’t want to hear ‘press 9 for Guatemalan’”

After all, Gino speaks “American”. And just what the hell kind of name is “Gino” anyway? Can’t the guy just assimilate already and pick an American name?

Ed Lambert Begins

time to begin.

The always obtuse Ed Lambert broadcasts locally three hours a day on his own little wing-nut radio show on WXTK, Cape Cod. Like most of his ilk, he tries very hard to screen his callers down to like-minded simpletons (a cast of what seems to be approximately a dozen), and should some caller somehow slip through and become contradictory, he has the usual bag of tricks, among them belittling the caller, shouting them down, muting them, or just plain hanging up on them.

One of Ed’s favorite things to do is to simply make things up. He’ll claim to have read a report “somewhere” without attribution, or allude to “study after study” without actually citing any, or just fabricate quotes out of thin air and attribute them to people he doesn't like.

Thursday Ed claimed he was going to “take on” House Representative William Delahunt. What it means in Ed-Speak to “take on” someone is to hope that they’re far away, never going to hear him, and will never respond. That way, Ed can beat his breast and say something like “yesterday, I took on Fidel Castro”…you get the idea of the delusions of bravery that this guy has about himself.

This day, Ed was after Rep. Bill Delahunt while the congressman was far away in Venezuela, and the object of Ed’s ire was Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, who, according to Ed “Kills people at the drop of a hat”; “Hates the American people and calls them Devils”; “Wants Americans to die”. Naturally, Ed can’t back any of these statements up. In a previous radio show, just after Chavez's speech to the U.N., Ed quoted President Chavez as having said "I want President Bush dead".

It'd be nice to give Ed the benefit of the doubt and think that maybe his Spanish translating skills are especially atrocious, but given his history, that’s clearly not the case. Some day we can expect to hear him shrieking about Venezuela’s Weapons of Mass Destruction.